friendship vacation

Out of complete boredum, I have been sitting here looking through facebook's bumper stickers. When looking under the catergory of 'Life Lessons' the wheels started turning:I have never really lost a friend. I refuse to say "lost" because I'd like to believe that they're just on "friendship vacation," they can always return. Some have drifted in & out, sure. But it's just like riding a bike, you never really forget & when you get back on it, it's like you'd never really gotten off.More of my friends have..drifted, from me in the past month than I have been able to handle. When I pick up the phone nowadays, I have to rethink who I'd usually call. I work my way down the list to see who would be appropriate to call & vent to about whatevers going on. Unfortunately, that list has gotten shorter & shorter as the weeks have progressed.I don't know where exactly it all went wrong but if I could go back in time & do things differently, I would. I would've never held things back from anyone. I would've told people sooner, how much they meant to me.The people who still care about me most have been saying that those who are gone, must have never really been worth keeping around. Cut your losses & move on. You don't need them. I know my friends love me & care about me & only want to see me happy, but I can't help but feel like..even if you don't think they were worth my time, I used to right? So that must mean something...There was some reason why I had them in my life in the first place. Yeah, they may have made bad decisions that have sacrificed our friendship but for some reason I'm not angry about it. I should be. I have every right to be. But I find myself mourning the loss of a once valued friendship instead of preparing for a war over who was right & who was wrong. Maybe that makes me weak. Maybe I'm just in a forgiving mood.I may feel differently about it a year from now or even a day from now, but at this moment, I don't want to fight. At this moment, I'm eager & willing to put the past behind me & start again. Because there was a reason why people come into your lives and why you chose to keep them there. They've obviously meant something to you in the past & were important enough to stick by at some point.It is entirely possible that even after patching things up, they all go up in flames again. Maybe it just really isn't meant to be. But I'd rather go down knowing that I fought my way through till the very end to save whatever was left of something that used to be important to me.I am capable of making it on my own. I don't need an entire possie to follow me around & put other people down to help me keep my head up. I can be strong & get make it through the last few weeks without shedding a tear over fallen friendships & forgotten memories. I could just go along & not let anything phase me. But I've tried that whole charade before & it was way too much work to pretend that I was fine. So hear I am. Possibly the most vulnerable I've ever been. And it feels great.. :)